In this graduation season, we tend to turn our minds to remember the purpose we all share as employees of BYU: to assist individuals, especially students, in their quest for perfection and eternal life, or in other words, to serve. As it turns out, wellness plays an important role that impacts our ability to serve others; wellness is what allows us to expand and maximize our capacity for service, in and out of the workplace, and on and off campus.
In the article "While Caring for Others, Take Care of Yourself" in the April 2021 Liahona, Koji Okumura talks about how we have a tendency to burn out if we do not accept help, if we do not take care of ourselves spiritually, and if we do not love ourselves in righteous ways. As disciples of Christ, we have been given a charge to "love thy neighbor as thyself", to "serve one another", and to "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees". In our haste for obedience, we might be tempted to think that the way to accomplish these charges is to spend all of our time in these endeavors. If we have very little energy to give, if we have an empty cup, then our efforts will be both exhausting and less effective. Instead, what we can do is balance serving others with caring for ourselves - to first fill our cup and then share it abundantly with others. Doing so maximizes our capabilities to ensure we have the energy and capacity to do our best.
There is a lot of literature that focuses on how to take care of yourself, but it is possible to focus on self-care too much. Here are a few tips, inspired by Life Counseling Solutions, that could help you better balance both caring for yourself and caring for others:
- Learn how and when to say "yes", "later", and "no". Perhaps the most important step is this: understand where your limits are. There are times when it's appropriate to serve, even when those opportunities are emotionally taxing or unappealing in some way, and there are times when it's the time to step back and fill your cup before trying to fill others' cups. What are those limits? What the circumstances in which you should make sure you have emotional, spiritual, physical, social, financial, and/or intellectual capacity before committing to something?
- Evaluate your capacity. After you understand your limits, you have the opportunity to evaluate each opportunity to serve. Is that service opportunity simple and easy? Do it! Is it complex and emotionally heavy? Maybe do it! Your ability to do so may depend on where you are at, and it may be time to say "no", "not yet", or "yes" if there is a way that you will be able to make a plan to recharge as you go. Be honest with yourself: if you do have the ability to serve, whether it excites you or not, do it. If serving this time is going to negatively affect your wellbeing and/or the wellbeing of others around you, is there a way to fill up your cup beforehand or perhaps find a different way to serve?
- Find ways to fill two cups at once. What is oftentimes skipped in these kinds of discussions is how to say yes! The goal of understanding our limits is not to avoid serving but rather to help you be more intentional about it so you can serve more frequently and meaningfully. Activities that strengthen your wellness should be interwoven with activities that bless others- in fact, there are many activities that bless both you and others! For example, enjoy a meal with those you minister to; strengthening your relationship with them not only fills up your social wellness cup but also fills up theirs!
Whether or not these tips resonate with you, remember this: the better your wellness is, the fuller your own cup is, the more abundantly and effectively you can and should serve others. Click here to read the article "Ask a Latter-day Saint Therapist: Balancing Self-Care with Helping Others" by Jonathan Decker.