“Communication is not about saying what we think. Communication is about ensuring others hear what we mean.” That is Simon Sinek bringing up an interesting point. Just because we said something or sent out an email, doesn’t mean that others heard what we said. I have certainly been guilty of this. We spend time thinking about something important and then try to communicate it to others. What we can forget is that while we might have spent a lot of time thinking through the issue, it could be brand new to the other person. They have likely not spent the same time considering the idea and are at the beginning of a journey we have already taken. We can’t always expect them to be where we are.
To make things more complex, we also don’t always absorb things the first time. Best practices in change management will suggest that any time you are proposing something new, it might take up to seven different communication points for the idea to actually sink in. No wonder we are always saying something along the lines of, “didn’t you see the email?” Chances are they either didn’t see the email, or they saw it and it didn’t register. If we want to improve our communication, we should probably send the email, send a follow-up email, talk about it in staff meeting, share it again on the department Teams channel, and make a poster for the break room. But even more importantly, we should be having more two-way conversations about our message. If the other person can articulate back to us what we mean, it’s a good sign that they actually heard it. I think that is what Sinek is getting at in his quote. This week as you are communicating with others, consider if the other person is really hearing the message. Listen for your “but I sent an email,” or the “it’s in the syllabus” statements and consider that the one method may not be enough. If you want to communicate a vision, create a change, or influence others – a communication campaign will likely get you better results than a single communication event.
Another big aspect of communication is about ensuring we understand what others mean. We want to make sure that people understand what we mean, but in getting our message out, we sometimes fall into a one-way communication trap. Sure, they heard what you said, but what do they think about it? Are they concerned? Do they have additional information to add that would be helpful?
It is important to not get so focused on delivering our message that we don’t allow input from the other person. I’ve always liked the concept from Stephen Covey’s 5th habit of seek first to understand, then to be understood. I think there is a lot to that idea. Slowing down a little to talk through an issue and taking time to listen are very effective communication tools. As leaders, taking the time to listen to feedback to new ideas or changes can really help people move through the emotional part of change. If we can ease up on trying to convince other people to immediately get where we are, we tend to become more convincing.
Leadership itself presents an additional communication trap. It is tempting to practice one-way communication when in a position of power and it is easy to fall back on the organizational equivalent of “because I said so.” This doesn’t lead to good communication. It leads to bad decisions and fact-free planning. There are certain situations where the message needs to be fast and one-directional, but in general, we could do better at including the other person or the team in the discussion.
Assignment:
Think about the other person or people with whom you are communicating. Do you include others in the discussion, or is it mostly one-directional? Why? Are there ways in which you could spend more time seeking to understand? What impact might that have on the message or goal? Do you understand clearly what others think about the issue or task at hand? These questions may help you create a better overall communication style.