A friend of mine recently asked for some advice regarding a work situation where an executive from another department had asked her to take on something her boss wouldn’t like. As I listened to her explain the dilemma, I finally asked if she had talked this over with her boss. She said she had worried about how her boss might react if she found out about the situation but hadn’t even considered approaching her to ask for help. I suggested that requesting help from her boss would put her in touch with someone with more experience, who could help her find an appropriate response to the situation. When people ask me how to approach a tough situation, I find myself asking them if they have actually talked to the other person about it. We often worry about what might happen if we bring up these sensitive issues but, in reality, the best approach is almost always to talk things out with the other person.
This may not work for every situation. However, I have found that the solution to most of our problems is not to dance around the issue or play a political game, but to be more candid, yet respectful, to the other people involved. Even if we are not intending to deceive, our attempts to avoid or soften what we are thinking and feeling is what weaves those tangled webs. The solution, for our most pressing problems, is not found in avoidance, passive-aggressive behavior, or trying to force others into compliance. The solution is usually found by talking things out while being open and respectful.